It’s A Seedy Business
Apologies to Ireland, Slovenia, Ukraine and Bosnia. FIFA does not want you at the World Cup in South Africa next summer. So fervent was its determination that the rules of the competition were changed midway through it with the introduction of a seeding system in the qualifying play-offs. So these four countries will take on France, Russia, Portugal or Greece for the final four spots on the road to Cape Town. Now that is as fair as O.J. Simpson’s trial. FIFA might have wanted to give France and Portugal two goal head starts in their matches but apparently, that’s too obvious!
If you haven’t realised by now (which makes you really thick-skulled), it’s purely a commercial decision by the bigwigs sitting up in their ivory tower at the FIFA headquarters in Zurich. Just like in the Lord of the Rings, when the evil eye at Mount Doom did not like the way things were panning out in the war, it moved to intervene. And so did Sepp Blatter and friends. But don’t tell them that the evil eye gets destroyed in the end; we don’t want to ruin the surprise at their eventual downfall.
After all, someone needs to pay for their luxury boats and homes in the Caribbean. Who is going to foot Blatter’s massage bill if the corporate sponsors are angry that not all the money-generating superstars are at the world’s biggest sporting event? Certainly not me, although I would like the massage. Not from Blatter though.
When the possibility that Franck Ribery, Cristiano Ronaldo and Andrei Arshavin might be spending their summer on a beach in Dubai began to materialise, FIFA swooped down faster than Kanye West takes to interrupt an awards speech, thereby destroying whatever credibility it had left as football’s governing body. The World Cup should be an affair for the top 32 countries based on merit. It is justifiable to use the FIFA rankings when determining the initial qualifying groups, but once that kicks off, previous accolades should be thrown out the window. Current form and results is all that should matter.
When the runners-up of each group face one other for the play-offs, it should be a fair and open (in other words, unseeded) draw. Why should a country like Bosnia (which has overcome so much hardship in its troubled past to put up a commendable performance) be unfairly treated because Thierry Henry’s team didn’t have what it takes to top their group? All’s fair in love and war, but certainly not football.
I would have loved to have seen what FIFA would have done if Portugal or France had not finished runners-up in its group. There probably would have been an additional play-off spot created for the team with the tightest jersey or the most effective play until they reached the penalty box. Or even an expanded 34-team tournament!
Call me idealistic or old-fashioned. But I’ve always believed that the World Cup was where virtual unknowns burst onto the footballing stage and their agents let it be known that they were ‘honoured’ to be linked with the big clubs. Davor Suker, Jose Luis Chilavert, Tomas Brolin and Miroslav Klose wouldn’t have been household names if not for their countries’ better-than-expected outings in previous editions of the Cup. The so-called big names have flattered to deceive on the biggest stage a la France in 2002 and Spain in 2006.
Kudos to Diego Maradona, who tried to foil FIFA’s plans by doing his best to prevent Lionel Messi from booking his ticket to South Africa with ridiculous tactics and even more outrageous goal celebrations. The Argentinians squeaked past the finish line by the skin of their South American teeth. It is football blasphemy to see a team with Messi, Sergio Aguero, Javier Mascherano and Diego Milito play so badly. You know you’re not cut out to be a coach when you make these players look so ordinary.
But a character like Maradona would be much welcomed by the sponsors. His eccentricity alone guarantees an additional few million television viewers. He’s capable of running onto the pitch and attacking the referee. I hope Alan Wiley loses some weight by then so he can run for safety. Or better yet, imagine if Argentina were to take on North Korea. Maradona would probably create a diplomatic incident of epic proportions. So whilst I think the World Cup could still go on without the big sides, we certainly need our dose of colourful characters.
Oh, by the way, no European team has ever won the World Cup when it’s held outside of Europe. So, this time, apologies to Spain, England and Italy. Lucio will be lifting the Cup for Brazil come July 2010. And Cristiano Ronaldo will be at the seven-star Burj Al Arab hotel by then, thinking of ways to be the centre of attention for the coming transfer market.
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